I thought I’d write about something random today, to get my mind off the fact that we’re attempting to potty-train Amanda – it’s not going so well (I’m sure we’ll have fodder for some posts, though). I remember when I was at BYU, and even just when I was getting ready to start my freshman year, I heard this reasoning and analogy many times:
BYU has a fairly high standard you have to meet in order to be accepted. Therefore, BYU is a place full of smart, talented people. The analogy goes something like this: When you were at home, in your high school, you were a big fish in a little pond. You were pretty good at whatever you feel you excel in, compared to the other people in your little pond. But when you come to BYU, you will be just one of many big fish in a very big pond. So don’t be disappointed if you aren’t the coolest thing since sliced bread anymore.
I know people were really just trying to be nice, preparing us freshmen-to-be for the culture shock of going to college. But really, where do they get off? Who gave these well-meaning friends and professors the right to crush the dreams of their students? Since when did it become acceptable to condition our youth to think that they just aren’t as special as they think they are?
Don’t get me wrong, here, I loved my time at BYU. It was an overall good experience. But I knew so many talented people who never even bothered trying out for various programs on campus because they “knew” that compared to everyone else, they just wouldn’t be good enough. Someone tells you not to get your hopes up often enough, and you’ll start to think that maybe they’re right, maybe you shouldn’t even try. I think that is one of the worst things someone can say to a child when they are trying to be helpful.
I think we’d be better off taking the approach of a song I remember hearing on the Muppet Show, of all places, when I was a little girl (it’s the episode with Bernadette Peters, if I remember right). She sings a song to little Robin, who keeps getting told he’s too young to do the things he wants to do. She says that “If just one person believes in you, deep enough, and strong enough, believes in you, hard enough and long enough, before you know it, someone else will think, ‘if she can do it, I can do it too.’ Making it two whole people who believe in you…” And the song goes on to the last verse, where it says that when all those people believe in you, “maybe even you can believe in you too.”
It’s always been one of my favorite songs, and certain teachers and friends over the years have believed enough in me to help me to finally believe in myself. I just hope I can help my own kids believe that they can do anything they want.
Amen. It reminded me of the other day, we were at the mall and one of my kids had my BYU Marriott School hat on. The sales clerk, after discovering it was mine said something like, “you must be very smart.” How should I respond to that? I still haven’t quite figured it out. I think I said something about having graduated several years ago and leaving it at that. But now, reading this, I realized, yes, I was smart, but I also worked very hard to get the grades I needed to get in the program.
I feel sad and frustrated for the kids who don’t even try. How do you know if you don’t even TRY? I am very grateful for parents who taught me that I could do anything I wanted if I worked for it and that I believed them.